idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
