her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
