GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
