I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
