My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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