awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
