Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
