You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I understand Curling. That high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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