So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
