I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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