Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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