The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
