my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
