Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
