Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and she was petting her beer can
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
