He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
