one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
