Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
