lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
