Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
