She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
