Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
