maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
