I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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