WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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