I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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