we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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