Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
