Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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