So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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