The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think my moral compass just broke
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
