His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
