Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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