it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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