3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
