i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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