can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
