There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
