yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
