If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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