I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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