Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
