Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
