Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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