And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
