OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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