In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
