I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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