Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
