I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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