I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What drink are we having for lunch?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
