The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is Oprah even human
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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