All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
