If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
