Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
