So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
