A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
