Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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