period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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