In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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