i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
