Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
