Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
