I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he told me I talked like a deaf person
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently I’m into choking now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
