well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
