Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
