he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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