i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
