dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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