You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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