Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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