I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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