OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
